ANY DAY??

Dear Bloggers,

I know I haven't kept to my side of the bargain, but life has been a little busy now with me working and all.

I got a weired email today and they asked me about Tyrone Neilon. I don't know who they are, they wouldn't say but I did give some history about him and myself. I will never deny that I still love him and I have told him that as well. He in turn has told me he would never stop loving me as well no matter what comes between use. Just to let the mysterious person know that I am not ashamed to tell you I still love him. I always will, but I don't have space in my life for him. When you do have the courage, please do let me know who you are. I trusted you with some history, trust me now with your name.

thanks for your ears,

Kaz Neilon

NEW BEGINNINGS

It's new beginnings for me and I'm loving it. I have now a job and loving it. The people here are just so great and so is my boss. He has such a down to earth personality it's really nice to find a place to work where you want to come to work and not stay home, or you are stressed and hate your job. I can say that I love doing what I do and I couldn't have asked for something better. Happy days are here again.
The kids are doing well but exams are now on top of them and with the strike they really are having a hard time getting things together. The schools are making them work over time and on a Saturday which isn't fair at all. But I guess it's better than sitting at home and doing nothing...
Now I just need a love life. I will be going to a fortune telling on the 6th September at 6 at night. I am hoping she is good at what she does and hopefully she can give me good news about my love...
I have tried so many in the past and none have the ability to read for me. All I can do is now try until I find one that can help me ... and help me sooon.
I must also say that my new friends are awesome at work and I enjoy going out drinking with them, they invited me last night and I had such fun. I know it will be done soon again.
This saturday I am having a little get together with all my friends and I know it's gonna be a lot of fun. I will be seeing some old friends I haven't seen in years and that is what I can't wait for....

Good luck to all

Chat soon

Kaz Neilon

All Better

Dear Bloggers,

I was so sick the past few days, winter is no fun at all. So nothing to report so far. Just that the bed is now sick of me. HeeHee

Here is the card I promised you,

Deck: Magical Unicorns

Card: Worth waiting for

MEANING

You know what you want and you've been waiting for it. This card means that your patients is about to pay off! You'll soon have what your heart desires. It will most likely be beter than you expect.

What you want is worth waiting for. Instead of settling for something that's "good enough," you'll now have the best. You deserve the best!

Well, I'm gonna wollow on that and see what that brings me.

Thanks for your ears

Kaz

FORGIVENESS

Deck: Magical Mermaids and Dolphins

Card: Self-Forgiveness

MEANING

"Let go of old guilt, and remember that you're God's perfect child!"

You've been very hard on yourself lately, using harsh words toward yourself verbally or mentally. While it's healthy to hold yourself up to high standards, this card says that you've bordered on self-abuse! Everyone makes mistakes, and it's normal to feel regret occasionally. What's important, though, is how you handle these mistakes.

As you focus on your positive attributes, your self-esteem will increase and your stress level will be diminished. Remember that guilt is the opposite of love. Your guilt doesn't help anyone or anything, but your Divine love helps everyone, everywhere!

Affirm: "I ask that all effects of my mistakes be undone in all directions of time, and I now release all guilt completely. I love my true self, from top to bottom."

Thanks for your ears

Kaz

Angels

Dear Bloggers,

As promised once again I got a card for you.

Deck: Ask an angel

Card: Creativity - Nathaniel

MEANING

Free will is a will that is free; free from the ego/personality programming, free from cultural pressure and free from fear.

When we take responsibility for our lives completely, both the pleasant and unpleasant, we take full ownership of our lives. This is true freedom.

Every possibility is open to you now. Release your fears and personal limitations and embrace your life. You are one with the creative essence of life, with both the creator and the creation. Choose what you want for your world right now.

Enjoy understanding that.

Thanks for your ears,

Kaz

Love your Parents

Deck: Magical Unicorns - oracle cards

Card: Love from Your Parents

MEANING

This card is telling you that your mother and father both love you, even though you may not always be able to feel their love. Everyone shows love in different ways - for example, some people show that they care through actions, such as giving you things or trying to help you. Other people express it through words that they say or write. If your mother and father show their love in ways you don't understand, you can talk to them about your feelings

The bond between parents and children can never be broken, no matter what. Even during times of anger, parents and children still love each other deep down. If you focus on this love, it grows even stronger and deeper. his love also helps everyone feels better and get along better.

If you mother and father are angry with each other, you can still love them both equally. You don't need to take sides. Everyone has something good inside them after all. God put love within every person. Your love toward both your mother and father is always deep and strong, even if you don't see one of your parents very much. Focus on what's good about your mother and father to help them - and you - be as loving as you an be.

I don't have much time today, so I will leave that though with you. Enjoy

Thanks for the ears,

Kaz

The daily Card

Dear Bloggers,

Had an energetic day. Scrubbed the kitchen for my dad. Been a long day, my bones are sore and tired. Let's get to it then.

Deck : Magical Mermaids and Dolphins

Card : Accept Heaven's Help

MEANING

You've asked, "What should I do next?" This card reponds: "Trust that your prayers have been heard and answered. Simply rest and retreat for now. After all, you prayed for Divine intervention, so step aside and let Heaven intervene, as this is the help you prayed for."

You can assist the process initiated by your prayers through quiet contemplation. Ask heaven to give you very clear, easily understandable guidance, letting you know if you need to take any action. In the meantime, enjoy knowing your angels and guides surround you and your situation with loving care.

Enjoy that one...

Thanks for the ears,

Kaz

Bake Sale

Dear Bloggers,

The day of baking, that is what I did most of the day. I baked Mielie Meal Muffins and a Bread with Savory Balls. And I still cooked supper. Hows that for a days work....

Nothing else interesting happened but as I promised I have pulled a card out and here it is.

Deck: Ask An Angel

Card: Angel Phuel - Emotions

MEANING

The key to creating harmony is balance. The balance of the mind and emotions.

If you have drawn this card it means that it is imperative that you balance this area of yourself. This means whether you are overwhelmed or disconnected you must stop and reconnect with yourself. You must demand and create the space to be quiet with your self. Often writing is the most direct way to communicate with your self. You must allow yourself to freely express exactly how you feel until you experience a clear resolution on what you must do to bring balance to your life.

This is a time for reconnecting to your inner world so that you may successfully move forward into the next phase of your life.

Well that says a lot about me today, doesn't it?

Thanks for your ear,

Kaz

Work Days

Dear Bloggers,

I'm sure you have had a day that just sucks, when it comes to work. I felt like nothing today because I have been working my ass off lately. But it's a small income, I have to bit the bullet and just take it until something else comes along.

I did a reading today, and, oh boy, was it hard ... it's was so grail. I like to tell the truth but at the same time keep it a little light but todays reading was so, I had no choice but to tell what I saw, there was no other way. That's one thing I can never get use to.....

With the days that go by ... I miss having company ... Male company ... just to sit and chat and get everything off ones chest, or just to be held and have someone listen to all your stories of love and troubles. How I miss that, but I guess it's my own fault... I will not fail to find my soul mate ... if he is out there then we will be together!!! I will not give up that easily!!!

I must try and stay with the "Zest" life gives me or I will fall...

Maybe I should pull a oracle card everyday and share that with you ... let's try that, here goes :

(I have a few sets of oracle cards and tarot cards, I will randomly choose a pack then shuffle them until one falls out, and that will be the one for the day.)

Oracle of the Dragonfae - THE GUARDIANS: Fly High

MEANING:

Making plans to move forward, packing up and letting go of the old, reducing the amount of material possessions that no longer speak to you; becoming the wanderer, the traveler for a time, a time of exile where yo may be unsure of where your home lies. Know that this is the time of the being who migrates and takes flight, and who has many lives and homes in this one span of time where you are in your present earth body which, by the way, is a sacred tool. Use it to fly above what you can see from the ground, and gain a higher viewpoint. Think of the Dragonfae, flying high above, and you will fly further than you have dreamt of. Consider the element of air more often.

Well, I will try figure that out and what it means to me, you do the same...

Thanks for the ear,

Kaz

Winter Monday Morning

Dear Bloggers,

It's a new week and Monday has started off to be cold and foggy. But lets not that bring us down, we need to keep the zest for life alive. It's difficult, that's one thing I can say. I went to Bedfordview Shopping Center yesterday with my kids, just to get them out of the house, and of course I went to a book store. Got this brilliant book called Archangels & Ascended Masters by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D. I was up half the night reading it. I would advise anyone to get their hands on this book and start reading it themselves.

My daughter got flu, but she had to go to school today because she is writing exams. At least she can come home after. I hate to see my children ill. It breaks my heart....

Well it's the morning, lets see what the rest of the day has in store for me....

Thanks for your ears,

Kaz

Weekend Past

Dear Bloggers,

The weekends go past so quickly and I know how much it is appreciated. But For me just to try make a little money I work, work, work. Sowing and more sowing. I help my mom with all the sowing and hopefully we make that extra little bit of money. Oh well, things will come right sooner or later.

It's now time to have some zest for life because no one but no one has energy for life. Why has everyone just stop playing with life, every one has just gone along with their lives. No body lives a little anymore. Where are all the people that wants to live life? I want to come alive again and it's taken some time for me. I am a depressive person and I have now recognized the "Zest for Life", I want to live and live I will ... Nothing and No one will stop me!!!

Come on lets live a little and play .... Good clean fun, is what we need.

Thanks for the ears,

Kaz

Friday's are the best

Dear Bloggers,

How the day comes about and becomes Friday so quickly. I don't even remember what has happened this week, it all blurs into one. How odd, that is how my life is ... hee hee hee. What comes next. Wish I had money to just go out for awhile and "let my hair down", oh well, maybe next time.

I did get a msg back from him last night and it said, "What do you want from me?" and my reply was "Why must it always be about that. I can't take and you can't give." and that is where I left it. I still don't have anything back from him. Maybe in a weeks time or so. Like I said ... oh well, next time.

My kids are a little more relaxed tonight and I feel dead tiered. I cleaned their rooms and boy oh boy what a mess teenagers leave. I do remember what it is like being a teenager. What a struggle it was for me. But on the other hand it taught me so much, sometimes and that sometimes is far stretched, I would like to go back there.

My only wish right now is for me to find Alan Smith. He is my son's godfather and I would truly like to get re-acquainted with him. I would really like him to get to know my son, his god child. That is my only regret right now, that I never stayed in touched with him, for my sake or my child's. If anyone can help me find him, I would be eternal grateful.

Thanks for your ears,

Kaz

Do Vampires Exist?

Do Vampires Exist?

NIGHTFALL

Dear Bloggers,

It's finally night time and everything has been done. With the kids fighting constantly and my migraine getting worse every time, it's official, I finally gone mad. But I can always redeem myself by writing to you here.
I finally went onto Mxit and saw he left me a msg, it read "Y did you invite me?" and all I replied was "u accepted". Now I see that he still loves me and I know he still cares but unfortunately we would never be together again and I somehow know this deep inside my heart. Life is so complicated that it makes no sense all of the time. Wish we all had manuals for life or even if it was "IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, BREAK GLASS!" then maybe we could get answers that we really, really needed. Like after 36yrs and we still are searching for soul mates, if only we can just conjure them up and live happily ever after. Which I know will never be, but it is a nice thought, don't you think.
Thanks for the ears,
Kaz

BEFORE

Here is a before photo of me ...

Insane today

The cold is now here, officially winter here by me. Which makes me feel even more lonely without someone. The kids are at school and I sit in front of my laptop and type my soppy stories here on my blog. Does it really help? ... Yes it does for me. I can get all my thoughts here and see how crazy I really am. Hee hee hee ... I can't really talk to myself, which I do any way, but I feel silly sometimes doing that so I would rather put it down here.

I have so many problems but my biggest one is that I am still in love with Tyrone Neilon. And I just found out recently he is a criminal and that is a surprise because I've known him for over 18 years ... how sad is that...

How do I rip him out of my heart, there must be a way but I haven't found it yet. How do I get him out of my head! He remarried (his 3rd time) and now I feel like an absolute ass! And out of all that he live up the road from me. Asshole, I'm sure he did that to rub it in my face or something. And on top of all that, I know he still loves me but both of us don't want to get hurt again from each other. We have been on and off, going out breaking up, married and divorce, and gone out and broke up again, so we really have had enough hurt and pain and sorrow. But love still stands strong between us, we just can't live with each other (or live without). Now that sucks!!!

Thanks for the ear,

Kaz

Today is today

Dear bloggers,

How hard is it going through life and not seeing the beauty of it all. My mind is going insane and I feel like I've lost my whole soul to the "nothingness", how do I explain that? I don't.

Thanks for the ears,

Kaz

Sadly the days are long

Dear Bloggers

How horrible it is when you have nothing to do but think. Time on my hands are becoming more and more and the duties that I had to fillful is no longer because of all the money worries I have with my children going to school. I still need to pay for petrol and crap and I think I am going off my mind. Rather sooner than later.

How can one survive on dignity alone? I know I can't. My life has been turned upside down since the retrenchment I had in September 2009 and had to move in with my parents with my two children. They are teenagers and are really behaving like it. With their father that died two years ago, it becomes harder for me to support any one right now.

Thanks for the ears.

Love Kaz